dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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