You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
