And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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