I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
