Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
