He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
