How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
