Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
