i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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