He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
