I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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