I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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