I think I won the penis lottery.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
