I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
