lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
