Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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