As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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