I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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