I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
