Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
