My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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