the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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