I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
