awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it's not cheating when I paid for it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
