sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Terrible idea I love it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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