We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
