**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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