on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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