I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
