Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I smell stomach acid.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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