my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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