so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
