he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize