wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
