Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
