Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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