the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
