I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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