Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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