i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
