Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
