You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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