This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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