I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
