dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
