and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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