two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
