I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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