there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
