I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
