Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today

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(626): View more from California

They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes

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(518): View more from New York

As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups

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(+84): View more from

The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white

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(830): View more from Texas

A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy

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(631): View more from New York

Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are

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