In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
