What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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