Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
