it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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