Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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