I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
