i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize