Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
