I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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