i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
