How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize