And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
