Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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