I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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