So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
