What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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