Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
