There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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