doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
