So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize