I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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