So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
