hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
