my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
