so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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