I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
