you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Randomize
