you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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