Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
