dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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