We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
