3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
