She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
