Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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